No Matter What
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: No Matter What 1/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....,  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com- Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.   
  
  
  
//No matter what they tell us  
  
No matter what they do  
  
No matter what they teach us  
  
What we believe is true\\   
  
  
"Have a holly, jolly Christmas!" someone's boombox was blasting in the hallway. "It's the best time of the year."   
  
"Bah humbug!" Buffy walked over and slammed their door shut, locking the deadbolt for good measure.   
  
"Buffy is not one with the Christmas spirit," Willow surmised.   
  
"Neither are you," she shot back.   
  
"Yeah, but I'm Jewish." Willow smiled. "You know Buffy, you don't have to stay here over the holidays just because--"   
  
"Just because my mom isn't home and she sent me a credit card and a blank check telling me to give myself a Merry Christmas? I'm really in the shopping mood right now." she crawled back in bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. "And what's more, I've had a headache for two weeks."   
  
"I've noticed," Willow got out of her lotus position and walked over to her friend's bed. "You've been throwing up too, haven't you?"   
  
She nodded. "It's just the flu."   
  
"I dunno," Willow gently laid a hand over Buffy's forehead. "You don't have a fever, that's a good sign."   
  
"It's just the flu," Buffy rolled over so that she faced her friend. "I'm just gonna catch a quick nap before patrol."   
  
"Xander and I can cover it. We'll bring Spike." she giggled.   
  
"I'm okay to go," she insisted. "I just need a little rest."   
  
Minutes later, she was breathing softly and her eyelids were fluttering as though she were dreaming. Willow glanced at the clock, scribbled Buffy a note and went to retrieve Xander for patrolling.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Who are you?" Buffy asked. She'd been swimming in an endless pool for what felt like forever and now she was back stroking beside a beautiful young girl. She looked to be about ten or twelve and her straight, dark hair managed to stay dry even though she was in the water.   
  
"Don't you know?" she questioned Buffy. "You should."   
  
"Well, I don't, so tell me."   
  
"I can't." she swam ahead of Buffy and she had to roll over and swim the regular way to keep up. She caught her at the ropes and tried to grab her arm. Her hand went right through the girl's skin.   
  
"Secrets," she smiled. "Miracles. It's all about Magick."   
  
Before Buffy could question her about what that meant, the girl was gone.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Ahhh," Buffy sat up in her room and looked around. All of the lights except her lava lamp were out and there was a note on the floor by her slippers.   
  
Buffy - let you sleep 'cause you looked like you needed it. Stay in bed, I'll bring you some junk food. Willow.   
  
The Slayer would've followed the exact orders but she had to sprint to the bathroom and throw up.   
  
  
*****   
  
"I'm really worried about her," Willow told Anya as they walked around campus together. The two of them had agreed to disagree on their feelings for Xander and decided they had to get along or it would break the whole gang up. Willow didn't really see how three people and Giles made a gang since Buffy was always an absentee anymore, but she said nothing.   
  
"Uh-huh," Anya actually seemed to care. Either that or she was just trying to look interested until Xander got back with their doughnuts.   
  
"I mean, think of it this way," Willow went on. "I know she hasn't....been with anyone since Parker, and that was two whole months ago. Don't you think if that was the case that she would've already know? Or already been sick?"   
  
"How long has she been sick?" Anya fished in her purse for gum and offered Willow a piece.   
  
"Don't you listen when I talk?" the Wiccan demanded.   
  
"I must've been in the bathroom." Anya tossed the wrapper in a trashcan. "Go on, please. I do care. At least a little bit."   
  
Willow rolled her eyes and went on. Sometimes she felt bad about discussing Buffy with another person, but it wasn't like she had Buffy to talk to anymore, and sometimes she just really needed another point of view.   
  
"She's probably pregnant anyway," Anya said. "I've seen *a lot* of pregnant women from jilted men. We used to make their penises fall off so they couldn't get anyone else in the same position."   
  
"How kind of you," Willow said dryly.   
  
Her beeper went off and she pulled it out, cheering. "I've gotta go. I've got a meeting with my agent."   
  
"Agent?" Willow echoed.   
  
"Xander didn't tell you? I'm writing a book."   
  
"About?"   
  
"My life as a demon of course. No one will know it's true but it'll make for one Hell of a read, huh?"   
  
"I guess." Willow shrugged.   
  
"Listen, tell Buffy I'd curse Parker for her if I could." she gave a little wave and ran off.   
  
"Great," Willow sat down under a tree not too far from a couple making out on the grass. "All alone in the dark on campus."   
  
She spent the free time thinking more about Buffy, and when Xander arrived they ate and then she ran her theory by him.   
  
"Buffy?" he asked. "Pregnant? No way."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Willow, I'm pregnant!" Buffy said desperately when she got home from patrol.   
  
"What?" she threw her bag down and rushed over to her friend. "How? When? How?"   
  
Buffy was sitting on the edge of her bed with a bucket between her legs just in case. "I was so sick that I was gonna read in bed all night."   
  
"But you hate to read in bed," Willow pointed out.   
  
"Exactly." Buffy said. "So I got out my new Seventeen to read and of course, when I opened it, I opened it right to this page that said 'Is teen pregnancy on the rise?' and then it hit me. It was like, Oh my God! I could be pregnant. So I went down to the campus store and put a ton of junk food and the test on my mom's credit card."   
  
"At least it came in handy," Willow smiled. "What are you gonna do?"   
  
"Well, I need to talk to someone, obviously. I'm not even sure how this happened, let alone....." Buffy sniffled, trying hard not to cry. "I guess I'm gonna go see a doctor at Planned Parenthood on Monday. They don't charge you anything if you want it to be anonymous, so I'll just give them whatever cash I have in their donation thing."   
  
"Are you sure you don't wanna go to your own doctor?" Willow asked.   
  
Buffy laughed. "Definitely. I don't want anyone to know about this besides us, okay?"   
  
"My lips are sealed." Willow said. It wasn't until Buffy was in the bathroom throwing up again that she realized she'd basically already let the cat out of the bag.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy slept restlessly that night, dreams constantly filling her mind.   
  
The first few were of herself bickering with Angel in a sewer, the next of them talking calmly in his kitchen.   
  
The last ones both scared and excited her. She was in Angel's bed in LA, eating ice cream off his chest and making love to him all night long.


	2. No Matter What They Teach Us

TITLE: No Matter What 2/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone. The other songs used are by Cher  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.   
  
  
  
//No matter what they call us  
  
However they attack  
  
No matter where they take us  
  
We'll find our own way back\\   
  
  
Buffy woke up sweaty and disoriented. Willow was already getting dressed to go home to her parents' house that day, so she rolled onto and pulled the covers over the top of her head.   
  
"Buffy?" Willow whispered. "You awake?"   
  
"No," she pushed the covers back. "When are you leaving?"   
  
"I'm not," Willow said. "Not unless you come home with me."   
  
"I'm not gonna ruin your holiday with your family, Will." Buffy sat up slowly. "I'm--" she took off for the bathroom like a bat outta Hell. When she returned, her cheeks were flushed and her hair was still matted to her head like it had been when she first woke up. She got back into the bed and sighed.   
  
"What am I gonna do, Willow?"   
  
"Whatever's best for you." she smoothed her hair out of her eyes and sat beside her.   
  
"But what's that?" Buffy asked. "Am I supposed to have this baby? Am I supposed to kill it? Am I supposed to give it up?"   
  
"I can't tell you what to do, Buffy." Willow said sympathetically.   
  
"I know," she yawned. "I just wish I knew what was right."   
  
"You will," she assured her. "When the time comes to make a decision, you'll make the right one."   
  
"I hope so," Buffy whispered. "I'm scared, Will." she admitted. "I woulda thought I woulda figured this all out sooner. It's been like two months."   
  
"Maybe it has something to do with being the Slayer," Willow said since she couldn't think of anything better to say.   
  
"I guess," Buffy let her eyes fall closed. "I'll figure it out."   
  
Willow nodded and just sat there holding her until she fell back asleep.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Angel," Buffy ran her fingernails up and down his bare chest as they lie in bed together. "Did you ever think we'd get this lucky?"   
  
"Never." he kissed her other hand, then his Claddagh which hung loosely around her thumb. "We're gonna have to get you another one of these," he told her.   
  
"Wouldn't we have to get out of bed to do that?"   
  
"Point taken."   
  
"I'm tired," she yawned. "I don't wanna sleep. I don't ever want this day to end."   
  
"It doesn't have to end." he brushed his lips over her cheek, then her eyelids, and finally her lips. "Just because we sleep and wake up doesn't mean we can't do it all over again."   
  
She grinned. "I'm liking that plan."   
  
They kissed passionately and then finally Buffy pulled away, causing Angel to groan.   
  
"I just don't wanna get too into it," she yawned again. "I'm too tired to complete the transaction."   
  
At her use of words, he burst out laughing.   
  
"What?" she put her hands on her hips, making the shirt of his she was wearing open and show the skin between her breasts, causing him to stare at her for just a second before answering.   
  
"It's just......'complete the transaction'...it sounds so Xander."   
  
"Thanks a lot!" Buffy hit him with a pillow.   
  
"Hey!" he pulled one out from under him and hit her back.   
  
"Angel, you suck at pillow fights!" Buffy shouted amid giggles as she pelted him with the pillow.   
  
"It's my first," he replied. "Oooh, watch the lamp!"   
  
She tossed her pillow to the floor and pounced on top of him, grinning. "I think I'm awake now."   
  
"Somehow, I knew you were going to say that." he kissed her tenderly, his fingers sliding over her cheeks to her neck and finally running through her hair.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Oh!" Buffy shot up in bed, gasping for air. She tried to slow her breathing and realized her body had been responding as though she were actually living that dream *now*.   
  
"It would have to be about sex," she mumbled. Willow was asleep and she didn't want to wake her, so she pulled her journal out from under bed, slid her slippers on and went out into the hall.   
  
The dorm was practically empty and she had the common room all to herself. She put MTV on quietly as to not disturb any leftover stragglers like herself and opened the book.   
  
She wrote everything she could remember thinking, feeling, seeing down in the book. She filled pages and pages with details of the dream, things so vivid that writing them from her own memory made her blush. When she finally closed the book, she was exhausted. She barely made it back into her own bed before falling back into a sound sleep.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy felt as though she were observing her own life. She was almost floating above Angel's bed, watching him make love to her. She saw him leave her and when he returned, he had food. They fed each other and watched her eat off of Angel's chest. She clenched up with jealousy even though she was seeing herself, because she wouldn't let her heart believe that it was real.   
  
Then came the sound of a baby crying, followed by the sound of her clock radio going off.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"'Cause I'm strong enough," Cher sang. "To live without you, strong enough, and I quit cryin' long enough, now I'm strong enough to know you've gotta go."   
  
"Oops!" Willow rushed into the room in a robe, her hair wet. "I'm sorry Buffy. I forgot to turn the alarm off, go back to sleep."   
  
"No, it's okay, I'm up."   
  
She meant to hit the 'off' button but instead hit 'scan' and another station popped on, startling both girls.   
  
"Do you believe in life after love?"   
  
Willow flicked it off. "Really Buffy, you can go back to sleep if you need to."   
  
"No, I'm good. Besides, I've gotta pack."   
  
"For what?" Willow asked.   
  
"I'm gonna go back to my house. Set up the tree, the whole bit. I want you to come stay with me if you want, and I'm gonna have everybody over for Christmas dinner."   
  
"You sure, Buffy?" Will asked skeptically. "Should you really be doing all that hard work?"   
  
No, she answered silently. But I have to get my mind off of Angel and this baby or I'll go insane.   
  
"I'll be fine," she smiled. "I think I'm gonna go take a shower."   
  
"Okay." Willow began running a comb through her hair. "The water's still warm for once, it's nice."   
  
"And you know what else is nice?" Buffy asked. "Not having to--" she took off for the bathroom.   
  
"Throw up first thing in the morning," she finished when she returned ten minutes later.   
  
"It'll get better," Willow said encouragingly. "You'll be out of your first trimester soon, and then it's all weight gain and swollen ankles."    
  
"Thanks a lot." she said dryly.   
  
"Oh, I forgot about the cravings," Willow added with a smile.  
  
"Speaking of which, let's order Chinese." Buffy said eagerly. She hadn't wanted to eat in a week and it felt good to be hungry.   
  
"It's ten-thirty in the morning." Willow said.   
  
"So?" Buffy pulled the menu out of her drawer. "They deliver!"


	3. What We Believe Is True

TITLE: No Matter What 3/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone.   
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.   
  
  
  
//I can't deny what I believe  
  
I can't be what I'm not  
  
I know our love's forever  
  
I know, no matter what\\   
  
  
Buffy came back from Planned Parenthood Monday afternoon in a trance. She'd refused to let Willow come with her, and once she got there, she was glad she'd gone alone. It was full of young couples and bunches of girlfriends worried about one thing or another. She didn't want anyone suspecting anything, even though that was a futile thought. There weren't many reasons young girls went to see gynecologists.   
  
She was sort of numb as she walked back to her house where Willow swore she'd have the tree out of the box. Xander and Anya and Spike and Giles were coming over later and they were going to decorate it together. She couldn't wait.   
  
Still, she felt as though the person talking to the doctor had been someone else and not herself. The idea that she was pregnant by Parker had barely registered when she found out that was completely impossible.   
  
She was barely four weeks pregnant.   
  
The doctor had just assumed Buffy was full of shit when she'd argued how far along she was with her, but Buffy didn't care. She knew when she'd been with someone and when she hadn't. There was only one hole in her calendar.   
  
Her weekend in LA.   
  
She'd spent most of it in her hotel room crying. She'd never called her father, using that as a poor excuse to visit Angel and get even. She hadn't gotten even though, she'd simply succeeded in hurting him back which was only what she wanted initially. Really and truly she wanted to pin him against his desk and kiss him until the world ended or her lips fell off, whichever came first.   
  
"I'm gonna have to go see him," she decided. "That's the only solution, I'll have to talk to him."   
  
She couldn't imagine how she would've gotten pregnant while in LA, but she was sure something demonic or Hellmouthy was behind it.   
  
Sighing, she turned onto Revello and tried to get herself into the Christmas spirit.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"You better watch out, you better not cry," Willow sang cheerfully along with the Christmas CD of Joyce's she'd put on.   
  
"You'd better not pout, I'm tellin' you why." Xander added.   
  
"Santa Claus is comin' to town!" they sang together.   
  
Anya frowned. "I don't get it."   
  
"What's not to get?" Xander handed Giles a mass of tangled lights before sitting down to tackle a mess of his own. "The guy in red is on his way."   
  
"It's stupid," she decided. "And besides, he isn't real."   
  
"I remember growing up and not believing in Father Christmas," Giles began. "My parents were too busy with the Council to teach me anything themselves in my younger years, and my nanny--"   
  
"Could you tell us something less boring?" Anya asked.   
  
"Buffy!" Willow called into the kitchen. "Need some help?"   
  
She didn't, not really. She'd been stirring the pot of hot chocolate forever, trying to hear everything her friends were doing and saying. She wanted to be in there with them, and yet there was something peaceful about being alone with herself in the kitchen.   
  
Sighing, she poured the hot cocoa into mugs and carried it into the living room, waking right into a bickering match between Xander and Anya.   
  
"But why don't you just divide them by colour?" she was asking.   
  
"Because they're all on separate strands." he said for what felt like the hundredth time. "These are *multicoloured* lights, Anya. They have all colours on them."   
  
"Why? Why isn't one blue and one pink and one..."   
  
"They're giving me a headache," Buffy sat down and picked up a sugar cookie, taking a small bite out of it.   
  
"You're not the only one." Giles took a mug and sipped the hot chocolate. "Are you all right, Buffy? You look exhausted."   
  
"I'm just tired," she smiled weakly. "I'll sleep in tomorrow and then I'll feel better."   
  
Giles nodded, but he wasn't sure that would help her.   
  
When he looked into her eyes, she looked worn out and yet she was almost.....   
  
"Giles?" Buffy waved a hand in front of his face.   
  
"Um, yes?" he blinked and looked at her.   
  
"You good with pizza?" she asked. "I'm dying for pineapple and tomatoes."   
  
Dear Lord, he thought. I was right.   
  
She's pregnant.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Cordelia walked out of her audition feeling confident. She'd done well and she might actually get this one. Smiling, she decided to go by the office and see if Angel needed anything before she went out with some friends to celebrate.   
  
She had just entered Angel's building when it happened. She fell to the floor with a mind numbing vision.   
  
When she opened her eyes and realized what she'd seen, it was hard to breathe for a few minutes. Finally, she stood up and called, "ANGEL!"   
  
No one answered. She swore and kicked her desk, groaning when it bruised her foot.   
  
She plopped down into her seat and sighed. How was she gonna tell Angel she'd just seen Buffy giving birth to a baby?   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy scrawled a quick note to Willow early Wednesday morning and tossed her duffel bag down the stairs. Then she whispered goodbye to her best friend and ran down the stairs, Willow's keys in her hand.   
  
She got in the wildly coloured VW bug and started the engine, waiting for it to warm up before pulling away. She stared at the house she'd lived in for four years and wondered if she'd ever see it again. Sighing, she turned on the radio, enjoyed a remix of *NSYNC's latest single and screeched down the street. She wouldn't get in *too* much trouble if she got caught driving without a license, right?   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Cordelia paced anxiously in the office. She'd been up all night waiting for Wesley and Angel to return from whatever their mission that night had been. They *still* weren't back and it was almost daylight. She was more than a little freaked out.   
  
She was terrified.   
  
She started sharpening pencils and straightening things. She was realphabatizing Angel's client files for like the thousandth time when she heard the door open. She sprinted into the lobby that doubled as her office and stared at her boss.   
  
"ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?" she demanded.   
  
There wasn't a scratch on him or Wesley. "We're fine," he said, giving her an odd look.   
  
"Then where the Hell were you?" she put her hands on her hips.   
  
"We got a flat tire," Angel walked over to the coffee maker and turned it on. "We were stuck in Venice for hours."   
  
"It was quite scary," Wesley added.   
  
"Demons?" Cordy assumed.   
  
"Prostitutes." Angel shivered. "Got propositioned more than once."   
  
"Not exactly the finer side of the state," Wesley took his coat off. "Angel, would you mind terribly if I just crashed on the couch here for a bit? I truly don't think I can drive myself home."   
  
"No, not at all. I'm gonna go get a shower."   
  
When he was gone, Cordy rushed over to the couch and sat on top of Wesley's legs.   
  
"Cordelia," he began. "That--"   
  
"Not now! I had a vision."   
  
"Oh, lovely. Shouldn't Angel be here for this?"  
  
"Nuh-uh! It involves Buffy!"   
  
"What about her?" now he was intrigued.   
  
"She was having a *baby*! Can you believe that?"   
  
"Oh dear," Wesley sat up. "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."   
  
"I'll say," she pushed her hair behind her ears. "What are we going to do?"   
  
"Well, we can't do anything. This is something that has to be discussed only between the Slayer and--"   
  
"Oh wow!" Cordy leaned back against the couch. "Oh man."   
  
"What?"   
  
"I just figured out who the father is."   
  
"Xander?" Wesley guessed.    
  
"No! And eeew! It's Angel!"


	4. I Can't Deny What I Believe

TITLE: No Matter What 4/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone. Other song credits in this chapter go to Hole and Christina Aguilera  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.  
03/15/00   
  
  
  
//If only tears were laughter  
  
If only night was day  
  
If only prayers were answered   
  
Then we would hear God say\\   
  
  
Music was the only thing keeping Buffy sane as she drove to LA. She wasn't really sure where she was going but she knew she'd figure it out eventually.   
  
"Oh, make me over," she sang along with Courtney Love. "I'm all I wanna be. Don't know the line right there....and demonology. Heeyyyyy, so glad you could make it.."   
  
She eyed the signs and sighed. "Why are there three different exits to get into LA?" she asked herself aloud. She chose number two since she had always liked even numbers. She pulled off the freeway onto the first residential street and surprisingly recognized the area.   
  
She pulled into a a 7-11 to buy a doughnut and some orange juice and figured she's buy a local map anyways. It couldn't hurt.   
  
She opened the map and sipped her juice while she tried like Hell to figure out where she was and where she was trying to go. She knew the intersection she was across from, but didn't know if she knew it from the sixteen years she lived in LA or from her brief vacation in November.   
  
Sighing, she folded the map up and decided to just drive down the street for awhile and see if she noticed anything familiar.   
  
"It may seem stupid," she said to Mr. Gordo, who was peeking out of her duffel on the carseat next to her. "But it's the only logical thought flowing through my brain right now."   
  
"Swing low," Courtney went on. "Swing cherry, make it awful."   
  
"What is this, a Hole marathon?" she switched the stations until she found a Christina Aguilera song that suited her perfectly.   
  
  
//They say if you love somethin   
  
Let it go  
  
If it comes back it shows  
  
That's how you know  
  
It's for keeps yeah  
  
It's for sure  
  
And you're ready and willing  
  
To give me more than   
  
What a girl wants  
  
What a girl needs  
  
Whatever makes me happy  
  
Sets you free  
  
And I'm thankin' you for knowin' exactly  
  
What a girl wants  
  
What a girl needs  
  
Whatever keeps me in your arms  
  
And I'm thankin' you  
  
For givin' it to me\\   
  
  
A mile later, she saw the sign.   
  
Angel Investigations.   
  
The sun is *almost* up, Buffy thought as she pulled in next to a black motorcycle she prayed didn't belong to Angel. He should be home, probably reading something ancient in the office.   
  
She grabbed her purse and slammed the door shut, leaving her duffel behind for the time being. She was gonna have to go get it within an hour or so though, 'cause she was exhausted.   
  
"You prolly need sleep, huh baby?" she muttered to her belly. "I know you're tired, but at least you're not nauseous."   
  
She yawned. "I'll go to sleep as soon as I tell your--Angel the truth." she shook that emotion away quickly. Where did I get the idea that Angel was the father? she asked herself. She shrugged and opened the door to the agency, taking a deep breath as she did so.   
  
A very stressed out looking Cordelia was sitting on *top* of Wesley on the couch. He seemed to be listening intently to whatever she'd been ranting about.   
  
"Buffy!" she jumped off of him and hugged her. "What are you doing here?"   
  
"I came to see Angel. Is he here?"   
  
"Downstairs, taking a shower." she brushed her hair off her shoulder. "Why did you come to see Angel though? I mean, what's the reason?"   
  
"Do I need a reason?" she sat on the edge of Cordy's desk and yawned.   
  
"Well actually, under the circumstances, yes."   
  
"How are you, Wesley?" Buffy asked. "So sorry to hear about the Council firing you. I should've sent a card."   
  
"Yes, well, I should be getting home." he stood up and brushed his suit off. "See you later, Cordelia. Give my best to Angel."   
  
He picked up a motorcycle helmet off the floor and put it on. Buffy cracked up.   
  
"That's your bike?" she asked through the giggles.   
  
"Yes, why?"   
  
"It just doesn't fit. You and a Harley. I didn't think they allowed double-breasted suits in the biker community."   
  
He just left and Cordelia shrugged at Buffy. "There've been some changes around here lately."   
  
"I guess so." Buffy yawned again.   
  
Cordelia waited until he had pulled away and then she grabbed Buffy by the hands and led her to the couch. "We *have* to talk."   
  
"What about?" Buffy asked skeptically.   
  
"I had a vision."   
  
"Of?" she shifted so she was sitting with her legs stretched out in front of her. They were stiff from driving for so long.   
  
"I'm betting you can guess for yourself. Takes place around eight or so months from now."   
  
"You saw me pregnant?" Buffy asked.   
  
"No, I saw you giving birth. And eew."   
  
"Anything else?"   
  
"Not really." she shrugged.   
  
"Did you tell Angel?" she asked warily.   
  
"No, I was going to but I think you should do it."    
  
"Thanks a lot," she said dryly.   
  
"That's why you're here, isn't it?" Cordy reminded her.   
  
"I don't remember you being such a good friend to me back in Sunnydale," Buffy admitted.   
  
"I wasn't." Cordy smiled. "I've changed, but please don't tell anyone."   
  
"Your secret's safe with me."   
  
"He just shut the water off," Cordy said. "Go on down, surprise him."   
  
Buffy didn't move.   
  
"GO!" Cordy ordered.  



	5. I Can't Be What I'm Not

TITLE: No Matter What 5/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com- Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone. Other song credit in this chapter goes to Amy Grant. I miss her music.   
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best. This chapter is also for Destiny's Child. Yes, the group. Their music was on as I wrote it, and I *do* think it helped. =)  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES3: This is the shortest chapter I've done, but I've got my reasons. Also, I used a different song at the start and I had my reasons for that, too.  
03/15/00   
  
  
  
//I will be walking one day  
  
Down a street far away  
  
And see a face in the crowd   
  
And smile   
  
Knowing how you made me laugh  
  
Hearing sweet echoes of you from the past  
  
I will remember you   
  
Look in my eyes while you're near  
  
Tell me what's happening here  
  
See that I don't want to say  
  
Goodbye   
  
Our love is frozen in time  
  
I'll be your champion and you will be mine  
  
I will remember  
  
I will remember you   
  
Later on  
  
When this fire is an ember  
  
Later on  
  
When the night's not so tender  
Given time  
  
Though it's hard to remember darling  
  
I will be holding  
  
I'll still be holding to you   
  
So many years come and gone  
  
And yet the memory is strong  
  
One word we never could learn  
  
Goodbye   
  
True love is frozen in time  
  
I'll be your champion and   
  
You will be mine  
  
I will remember  
  
I will remember you   
  
So please remember  
  
I will remember you\\   
  
  
The Slayer rolled her eyes but stood up and started for the elevator. She stopped for a second when she realized she knew her way around the place.   
  
"Must be the dreams," she muttered. She took the elevator down and walked into the living room.   
  
"Wesley, if you wanna go next, I have--"   
  
Angel came out of the bathroom and dropped his towel in shock.   
  
Buffy gawked at his wet, naked body. If it was possible, he'd gotten even more beautiful since she'd last seen him. God, I want him, she thought.   
  
"Uh, Buffy, hi." he didn't move an inch.   
  
"Surprised to see me?" she laughed.   
  
"Uh, yeah."   
  
"Sorry. I would've called first, but I didn't think you deserved fair warning."   
  
"What's up?" he asked her.  Buffy grinned. "You tell me."   
  
Embarrassed, he bent down and picked up the towel, holding it around his waist. "I mean, why did you come here?"   
  
"There's something I need to tell you, and something I need to ask."   
  
"Can I get dressed first?" he questioned.   
  
"I wish you wouldn't," she smirked. "But go on."   
  
He went down the hall and she settled on the couch, still smirking at the sight of him all naked and turned on like that.   
  
Buffy noticed his leather jacket draped over the couch and pulled it over her legs. She snuggled against the dark velvet pillows she was sure Angel had picked out himself and closed her eyes.   
  
"I'm just gonna rest a second," she muttered to the empty room before falling asleep.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy was living the moment again instead of watching it from above.   
  
She was riding Angel on his bed, passion flowing through their bodies like she'd never felt before.   
  
She could feel every sensation in her body heightened as their bodies meshed together. She kissed his chest and lips and ran her fingers through his hair, wanting to never wake up if she could just stay in bed with him.   
  
"I love you," he whispered. Before she could say it back, she jerked awake.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"ANGEL!" she screamed. "Angel, I remember. I remember everything!"   



	6. I Know This Love's Forever

TITLE: No Matter What 6/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone.   
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.  
03/15/00   
  
  
  
//No matter what they tell you  
  
No matter what they do  
  
No matter what they teach you  
  
What you believe is true\\   
  
  
"What?" Angel rushed into the living room, wearing only his silk boxers. Buffy stared at him and blinked a few times, realizing she could only have been asleep a couple of minutes.  
  
"I remember," she said breathlessly. "Everything." she started coughing and he rushed into the kitchen to get her a glass of water. She took a couple sips of it and felt better.   
  
"Okay, start over," he told her.   
  
"I remember everything. Battling the demon in your office, going through the sewer and bickering with you, the way I tried to pretend I hadn't really come here just to see you. I remember you coming to the pier to get me, and the kisses, and you made tea for me, you even remembered to put sugar in it."   
  
"Buffy...." he began but she cut him off.   
  
"We were gonna just talk and not doing anything for awhile but when I went to leave, we couldn't stand it anymore. We made love on the kitchen table, we broke it and that's why you've got this newer one."   
  
Angel stared at her. "How?"   
  
"I've been having these dreams lately. Vivid ones, I can even feel them happening to me. It's like this warm feeling passes all through my body while I'm having them, and today, I realized they weren't dreams. I remember everything, even how it felt to be kissing you one minute and acting like a bitch hell-bent on getting revenge for you leaving me the next. Don't you know what all this means?" she asked.   
  
"No," he said, still not understanding anything about this.   
  
"It means we can be together! We can get married and raise the baby and--"   
  
"BABY?" he demanded. "What baby? Who's having a baby?"   
  
"Uh-oh," Buffy slid away from him. "Did I forget to mention that part?"   
  
"You're PREGNANT?!?!?!?!?!" he asked.   
  
"I'm glad you're so happy about it." she said dryly.   
  
"I'm not angry. Not even a little bit. Frankly I couldn't be happier about the prospect of having a baby with you. I'm just shocked. Surprised and scared and....are you sure? Are you really, really, really sure?"   
  
"I went to the doctor's on Monday. At first I thought it was from this stupid thing I did back in October but--"   
  
"You were with someone." Angel sat down across from her and couldn't look her in the eye.   
  
"It didn't mean anything, Angel. Really. I just--"   
  
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Buffy. It's your life, and you can do whatever you want with it. I mean, that's what I wanted for you. A normal college guy and a normal college life." he paused, then made a squeamish face. "You did use protection, right?"   
  
"Angel!" she shouted, annoyed. "*First* of all, let me just say that you were exactly right when you said that this is *my* life. Second, you know how you wanted me to date a normal college guy and have a normal college life? Well all I got from the normal college guy was one date with a lousy night of sex and zero phone calls the next day or ever."   
  
"Buffy," Angel reached out to touch her hand but she pulled away.   
  
"No, don't. Just...don't. I know you're sorry for what he did and that right now, you'd probably like the guy to meet an ugly, painful death. Believe me, so would I. But for the first time since my parents' divorce, the person responsible for hurting me is one hundred percent human and I think that makes it hurt even more."   
  
"Buffy, I am so, so sorry."   
  
"Don't be sorry for what he did. Be sorry for what you did."   
  
"Which thing?" he asked honestly.   
  
"I'm shocked you realize there was more than one," she muttered. "I want you to be sorry for leaving me. Admit that you were wrong, that I'm not better off without you."    
  
"Okay. I was, and I'm sorry."   
  
"And I want you to know that I didn't come here so you would marry me, or want me to move in or anything else like that. I came here because I want you to know about the baby and be involved in his or her life."   
  
"You know that I want that too, Buffy." he sat beside her and took her hands in his. "Ever since the day I first saw you, all I could think about was being with you. Holding you, touching you, kissing you. Making love to you, marrying you. When we were first dating, I'd lay in bed during the day and imagine what you would look like if you were pregnant with my child. I knew it could never happen, but you know how sometimes you just dream things."   
  
"I know," she smiled almost nervously.    
  
"If I could undo what I did--"   
  
"Which thing?" she asked. "Leaving me after graduation or trying to erase our happiness?"   
  
He sighed. "Buffy, you *know* why I did that. And you know, after Doyle died I spent a couple days wondering how the Hell it did us any good. He died anyway. I couldn't help him. And you guys almost did, with that whole Gentleman thing."   
  
"Willow's emails are pretty thorough, huh?"   
  
"She likes to keep me updated, just in case." he smiled. "Buffy, you know I never meant to hurt you. Everything I did, I did because--"   
  
"I know, I know, you thought you were doing what was best for me."   
  
"And I know better now." he admitted.   
  
"It's almost too little, too late." she looked him in the eye. "I'm afraid to let myself get all wrapped up in you again."   
  
"I understand that."   
  
"Do you?" she stood up and began pacing around the couch. "Do you *really*? Because I don't see how you could. I mean, you're the one who's abandoned me every time I really needed you."   
  
"Well you're the one who runs away whenever things get serious."   
  
"How can you even say that?" she demanded.   
  
"Spike comes to Sunnydale and tells you we can't be friends, you run away. *You* ask *me* to pretend to be evil to trap Faith, and you run away. I don't know what to do anymore, Buffy. All I know is that I love you."   
  
She couldn't help but look at him when he said that.   
  
"And I love this baby, our baby, that you're carrying. If you wanna try to make things work, if you want me to move back to Sunnydale or anything, I'll do it. I'm leaving this up to you this time."   
  
"Took you long enough." she commented.   
  
"I deserve anything you say to me."   
  
"You're right, you do." she sat back down and finished the water. Then she turned sort of green.   
  
"Buffy, are you--"   
  
She sprinted for the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time. She came out a minute later and asked Angel for something really cold to drink. He gave her orange juice mixed with 7Up, remembering that it was her favorite.   
  
"I can't believe you actually have food in your apartment." she said.   
  
"I don't, it's Cordelia's."   
  
Buffy laughed. "Figures."   
  
"So," he sat next to her.   
  
"So," she repeated.   
  
"Do you want to try this again?"   
  
"I--"   
  
"Before you make any decisions," Cordelia said, standing in the center of the kitchen. "There's something you need to know."   
  
"Where did you come from?" Angel asked.   
  
"I took the stairs. I can walk really quietly in these shoes." she smiled. "I told Buffy about the vision I had this morning, but I've been hiding another one from both of you since I first inherited this permanent headache."   
  
"What is it?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Angel's soul isn't going anywhere. It's permanent."


	7. I Know No Matter What

TITLE: No Matter What 7/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Cordelia has just dropped one HELL of a bomb on Buffy and Angel  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-MA - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone.   
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.  
03/16/00   
  
  
  
//And I will keep you safe and strong  
  
And sheltered from the storm  
  
No matter where it's barren  
  
A dream is being born\\   
  
  
"My soul is what?" Angel asked. "And how would a vision tell you that?"   
  
"Well, I didn't really know the PTB made house calls or brain calls or whatever, but I saw you and Buffy doing it - thank *God* you were under the covers - and then I saw you not being all grrrr with the teeth and all, and then you and Buffy were getting married. My mind told me that meant you soul was like Superglued on or something, and that means it has to be."   
  
"I don't know." Angel said.   
  
"I'm willing to test it out," Buffy offered.   
  
"I knew that was coming," Cordy smirked. "I've gotta get some sleep! I have another audition today, if I don't have terrible raccoon eyes. See you guys later. Have fun!"   
  
She left as quietly as she came and Angel commented, "I've gotta get a lock for that door."    
  
"So, do you wanna?" she asked.   
  
"Wanna what?" he played dumb.   
  
"Test it?" she yawned.   
  
"I think maybe you and the baby need to get some rest."   
  
"You do, do you?" she yawned again.   
  
"Yes, and you think it too. Come on, you can sleep in my room."   
  
"Will you sleep with me?" she asked. "I mean, really sleep? Not....I mean, I do want to, but--"   
  
"I know exactly what you mean."   
  
"My pajamas are in my car," she said as she stood up.   
  
"That's okay, you can wear something of mine."   
  
She smiled at him and they went into his room. He handed her one of his button-up silk shirts and was going to leave the room when Buffy grabbed him and kissed him until she was out of breath.   
  
"Sorry," she smiled. "I've been meaning to do that since I got here."   
  
"Me too," he mumbled.   
  
"Don't leave me, okay?"   
  
"All right," he turned around and she rolled her eyes but quickly changed and threw her skirt at him. It landed on his head and she giggled.   
  
"What was that?" he asked.   
  
"I wanted to get your attention. Did I?"   
  
"Yes, possibly too much," he decided he was fine for bed in his boxers so he pulled back the covers and waited until she'd gotten in to get in beside her. He wrapped his arms around her and they rested lightly on her belly. She turned around and gave him one last kiss before falling asleep in his arms.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Angel woke up as soon as Buffy was out of his arms. She'd gone into the bathroom to throw up and was running a shower when he entered.   
  
"I can't believe you have a mirror in here," she said, smiling at him.   
  
"Cordelia did it." he told her. "Of course she put it on my credit card."   
  
"That doesn't surprise me."   
  
"Do you need anything?"   
  
"Well, I'd ask you to go out and get my bag for me, but sunlight..." she smiled. "Can I wear your robe?"   
  
"Of course."   
  
She hung it on the hook and smiled at him. "Wanna join me?" she asked. "I'm supposed to work out in the water while pregnant, it's good for the baby."   
  
He laughed. "I doubt this is what they meant."   
  
"I'll take my chances."   
  
He captured her lips with his, sliding her tongue into her mouth and fully exploring it. She returned the favor and slid her hands down the sides of his body, grasping at the drawstring on his boxers and pulling it loose. She slid them down to his ankles and then stepped back and stared at him.   
  
She slowly unbuttoned the shirt of his she was wearing and then tossed it onto the counter. She pulled back the curtain to the shower and stepped in, motioning for him to join her.   
  
He did and they kissed passionately, Angel pressing Buffy into the shower wall.   
  
"I don't want the first time to be like this," he mumbled.   
  
"Who said anything about making love?" she ran her hands through his wet hair. "I just wanted to get a shower."   
  
He looked at her and waited. When she cracked up, he shook his head. "You're gonna get it."   
  
"What am I gonna get?" she asked anxiously.   
  
He dove at her, running his lips all over her body. He settled between her legs and began giving her the same pleasure she remembered from her dream.   
  
She kept her hands on his shoulder for balance and her breathing quickened as he brought her to orgasm. She leaned against the wall, watching him give her a goofy grin as he licked his lips.   
  
"Your turn?" she asked hopefully.   
  
"If you want," he shrugged.   
  
She got down on her knees in front of him and began kissing his thighs. She squeezed his balls teasingly for a moment and then ran her tongue up and down the length of his shaft. Angel shivered and Buffy smiled before taking him into her mouth.   
  
He'd forgotten how good her warm mouth felt around his cock. He moaned and groaned her name as she worked her magic on him, her hands gripping his butt cheeks for leverage.   
  
She dug her nails into his skin as he came, and she swallowed every drop, pulling away and sitting back on her heels for a moment, sighing.   
  
"You okay?" he asked.   
  
"Yeah, I just......I have to throw up." she got out of the shower and puked for a minute then got back in.   
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked. "That didn't sound how you usually sound when you throw up."   
  
"Oh, caught that didya?"   
  
"What's going on?"   
  
She adjusted the water so it would be a bit warmer and leaned into his chest. "I was just thinking.......anything I swallow, the baby swallows.....I just didn't want that to happen, you know?"   
  
"I completely understand." he brought her chin up and kissed her lips lightly. "What do ya say we get done and get out? Your skin is getting kinda pruny."   
  
"You don't like my skin when it's pruny?" she asked, giggling.   
  
"Gimme the shampoo," he said as she fell back to the floor of the shower giggling like crazy.   
  
"Sorry," she said a minute later. "Hormones."  



	8. No Matter Where This Takes Us

TITLE: No Matter What 8/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Now that Buffy & Angel are gonna work it out, what happens next??  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters you know belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. Characters you do *not* know are mine. And no, I'm not giving you any names. You've gotta read the fic. =) The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone.   
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.  
03/16/00   
  
  
  
//No matter who they follow  
  
No matter where they lead  
  
No matter how they judge us  
  
I'll be everyone you need\\   
  
  
Angel took Buffy home to Sunnydale for Christmas and New Year's. They talked to everybody about their decision to live in LA for awhile and see how things went, and they were all surprisingly supportive, Xander and Giles included. Angel went back on the 2nd, saying he had a job to take care of, and Buffy stayed on to go to a spa with the girls for a day in the middle of the week. Willow said she'd drive Buffy back the day after and it worked out perfectly for Angel. When Buffy returned, he had already purchased the apartment above the agency, decorated it and started the nursery for the baby.   
  
On Buffy's birthday, Angel gave her a new Claddagh ring to wear all the time. Though both of them knew the symbolism behind it, they never mentioned marriage once.   
  
On Valentine's Day, Angel presented Buffy with the keys to her own car and decided he was going to help her get her license. She did get it, and she drove them back to Sunnydale later in the year so they could spend spring break with the gang.   
  
In early April, Angel took Buffy to have an ultrasound, and they found out they were having a girl.   
  
"I wanna name her Buffy," he said immediately.   
  
"Buffy? Honey, that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard, but no way am I torturing a child with the name Buffy O'Connelly."   
  
"*Your* name is Buffy O'Connelly," Angel pointed out.  
  
"What about Adella?" Buffy asked.  
  
Angel made a face. "What about Ilana?" he suggested. "Or Lynn? That was my mother's name."   
  
"I like Lynn, but don't you think it might be good for a middle name?"   
  
The technician left them alone and Angel said, "Buffy Lynn works."   
  
"Don't even go there. What about Amanda Lynn?"   
  
He wrinkled his nose. "Snob name."   
  
"You have been reading that book of baby names and meanings that Cordelia got us."   
  
"Yeah, and you'll notice she highlighted her own name so many times, it bled through four more pages to Danielle and Deanna."   
  
"Danielle Lynn is nice." Buffy said. "But, no, I knew a girl in school named Danielle. I hated her."   
  
Angel laughed, then Buffy put her hand on his arm. "What about Ashley?"   
  
"Ashley Lynn O'Connelly," he smiled. "I like it."   
  
"I love it." she ran a hand over her growing belly. "Hi, Ashley. Mommy and Daddy can't wait to meet you."   
  
"So, everything looks good on the ultrasound," Dr. Schultz said as she came in. "Did you guys decide in a name yet?"   
  
"Ashley Lynn," they said in unison.   
  
"Beautiful," she smiled. "I have a niece named Ashley. Her parents chose it after a character in a novel my sister was reading the day her water broke."   
  
"It was my older sister's name," Buffy said. Angel's face changed considerably though Buffy didn't notice it.   
  
"Well, everything's okay. See you in a month." the doctor smiled. "You can pick up the pictures of the baby and the video at the desk."   
  
"Thank you, doctor." Angel said.   
  
"Let's go," Buffy said. "I'm dying for some Thai food. And I wanna drive."   
  
He just stared at her. "Your older sister?"   
  
"I knew you were gonna question that," she reached for his hands and kissed them, taking strength from that. "I'd been wanting to call her Ashley all along but I just didn't know if I could handle it. I want to though."   
  
"Your older sister?" Angel asked again.  
  
"I never met her. She died before I was born."  
  
"Buffy, I am so sorry," Angel said honestly.  
  
"Thanks."   
  
"Tell me about her," he sat down beside her. "I can't believe you've never said anything before."   
  
"It never came up," she admitted. "She was two years older than me, and I never met her. She died the day after her first birthday from heart failure. She was born early, and though my parents never admitted it, I've always thought it had a lot to do with the fact that both my parents smoked a lot in those days. They were heading towards divorce court when I came along, and I guess that's why sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I had never been born."   
  
"Oh, baby," Angel wrapped his arms around her and let her cry on his chest for a moment.   
  
"I'm sorry," she pulled away and wiped her eyes. "I've never told anyone about her before. I guess it's just awakened a lot of old emotions for me. Come on, let's go."   
  
They picked up their things at the desk and left with Buffy driving as she'd requested. She got in line for drive through at the Thai place and turned to Angel. "Tell me about your siblings."   
  
"I had three brothers and a sister. Jonathon, Joseph, Mary and David. I was the baby, and I almost died when I was born, which is why my mother named me what she did. Jonathon became a priest, Joseph was a cook, Mary had three children if I remember correctly and David was gonna be a doctor. My father wanted me to work with him doing bookkeeping for the local merchants and such, but I wanted no part of it. I didn't want to do much of anything."  
  
"Were you all close?" she asked. "When you were little, I mean."  
  
"Not really," Buffy drove up a bit, only two cars in front of her now. "They were always being the good children and I was always getting whipped."  
  
"I can't say that's a habit you left behind in your human life," Buffy giggled.   
  
"Very funny," he snorted, which made Buffy laugh louder.  
  
"You're very strange, Buffy Summers."  
  
"You're very sexy, Angel O'Connelly."  
  
Angel leaned over to kiss Buffy and she pulled herself into his lap. They didn't notice when the cars behind them honked so they could move up to the window and place their orders. A cop had to come and rap on the window.   
  
  
*****  
  
  
"Angel," Buffy said as they walked across the beach late one night in July. "Do you think the baby will like LA?"  
  
"I'm sure she will," he kissed her head. "And if she doesn't, we'll move."  
  
Buffy laughed. "It's just that easy, huh?"  
  
"We'll make it easy."  
  
They walked for a few more minutes and then Buffy stopped, holding her stomach.  
  
"What?" Angel asked. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"No," she said a moment later. "But my water just broke."  
  
"But you're not due for three more weeks!"  
  
"The baby doesn't know that!" she shouted. "Come on."  
  
They walked back up the beach to their car and then Angel sped to the hospital, breaking speed limits and running red lights. Miraculously, they never got pulled over.  
  
Angel carried Buffy into the ER, frantic, but she was completely relaxed. She was still carrying the emergency bag she'd packed and put in the car weeks ago and once she was settled in her bed, she opened it and took out her mini tape recorder.  
  
"Angel, go call everyone and tell them I'm in labor, okay? I know my mom is still in Europe but call her anyway. And tell Cordelia that she doesn't have to come because I know she really doesn't want to."  
  
Angel did as he was asked and returned to see Buffy clinging to the pen so tightly her knuckles were white. "Are you okay?" he asked, worried.  
  
A moment later, she opened her eyes and took deep breaths. "Just contractions," she said. "I've handled worse."  
  
"Do you wanna have the epidural Dr. Schultz told you about?" he asked her.  
  
"No, I told you, I wanna do this the natural way."  
  
"You're sure?"  
  
"I'm sure." she blew him a kiss. "I'm fine, I don't need the drugs."  
  
  
*****  
  
  
"GIVE ME THE DRUGS!" she shouted an hour and a half later.  
  
"Buffy, we can't, it's too late." Dr. Schultz said. "I'm gonna count to three and when I get to three, I want you to push, okay?"  
  
"No," Buffy said defiantly. "Not until you give me the drugs."  
  
"Buffy, honey, if you take the drugs now, it could be bad for the baby," Angel ad-libbed. He shrugged at the doctor and could tell by her eyes that she was smiling underneath her surgical mask.  
  
"I don't wanna hurt her," Buffy said. "Let's just get this over with."  
  
"Push," Dr. Schultz told her.  
  
"I can see her head!" Angel said.  
  
"Okay, I gotta rest," Buffy leaned against her pillows, panting for breath.  
  
"Just one more push," the doctor encouraged. "Come on, Buffy. One more and Ashley will be here for you to hold, and kiss, and she'll be yours forever. Come on."  
  
Buffy linked eyes with Angel and took a deep breath, then pushed with all her might.  
  
"She's out!" Angel shouted happily. Ashley's cries filled the air as a nurse offered Angel a pair of scissors.   
  
"Wanna cut the cord, Dad?" she asked.  
  
Angel did it and then watched in awe as a nurse wrapped his daughter in a blue blanket and handed her to Buffy.  
  
"Hi, baby." Buffy said as tears poured down her face. "Hi, Ashley. I'm your Mommy. Welcome to the world."   
  
Ashley yawned and both Buffy and Angel laughed. "I think she's tired," Angel announced.  
  
"She's not the only one," Buffy said. "You wanna hold her?"  
  
Angel nodded and beamed as he took his baby girl into his arms. He blinked away tears and smiled at Buffy. "I love you."   
  
"I love you too."


	9. We'll Find Our Own Way Back

TITLE: No Matter What 9/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Dum, dum, da-dum, dum, dum, da-dum.....  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.o DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://members.aol.com/slaythis99/slay.html - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: TV-14 - for now  
DISCLAIMER: Characters you know belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. Characters you do *not* know are mine. And no, I'm not giving you any names. You've gotta read the fic. =) The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone. 'Blessed' is by Christina Aguilera and this is *not* the first fic of mine you'll see it in  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.  
03/16/00   
  
  
  
//No matter if the sun don't shine  
  
Or if the skies are blue  
  
No matter what the ending  
  
My life began with you\\   
  
  
"Does it hurt?" Angel asked, wincing. He'd known for awhile that Buffy was going to breast feed their daughter, but watching her do it was a whole other story.   
  
"It's not pleasant," she replied dryly. "But I can handle it."   
  
"Do you know how amazing you are?" he asked, just staring at the two of them.   
  
"Oh no," Buffy carefully lifted Ashley up to her shoulder and burped her. "Don't even start that, all right? I look like shit, I'm tired, my breasts hurt, I feel like I've been stuck in bed forever and I'm starving for some chocolate which I can't have because the baby can't have it."   
  
"I'm sorry, baby," Angel took Ashley from her so she could finish the piece of pizza he'd snuck in to her.   
  
"It's okay," she yawned. "I get to go home in the morning, thank goodness. I'm gonna sleep for like half a day, if you don't mind."   
  
"Not at all. I'll take care of Ashley."   
  
"Good," she smiled. "When you get me a piece of this for dinner, bring me breadsticks too, k?"   
  
"Sure. Buffy?"   
  
"Hmm?" she was too busy eating to notice that he'd momentarily put Ashley in her bed and taken something out of his pocket.   
  
"I got you something," he handed her a little velvet box.   
  
"Angel," she wiped her hands on a napkin and took the box. "What is this?"   
  
"Open it." he sat on the side of the bed and watched happily as she opened the box and her mouth dropped.   
  
"Is this what I think this is?"   
  
"If you think it's an engagement ring, then yes." he took it from her hands, got down on his knees and slid the ring on her finger. "Buffy, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"   
  
She nodded and started to cry. "What took you so long?"   
  
"Nerves," he admitted.   
  
She laughed through her tears. "You were afraid of little ole' me?"   
  
"Hey, little ole' you can kick my ass."   
  
"Hey!" she said defensively. "I only did it once and you deserved it."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy had *no* idea how much planning went into a wedding. They'd decided to have it on the pier where he'd kissed her on November 23rd, the anniversary of Ashley's conception. Her head was spinning with florists, caterers, dress designers, Cordelia wanting to do everything like a huge Hollywood wedding and her mother phoning every few hours and telling her how horrible she was and what a big mistake she was making.   
  
"What about this dress?" Buffy came out of the fitting room in a strapless white gown that was form fitting and had a slim skirt. There was a slit all the way up the thigh and it looked sort of--   
  
"Frumpy." Cordelia said flatly.   
  
"I was gonna say that, but she beat me to it." Anya admitted.   
  
"I thought so too." Buffy laughed.   
  
"It looks like something your mom would wear," Willow added as Buffy pulled the curtain back and started sliding out of the dress.   
  
"Yeah, well we may as well not even go there. She's not coming to the wedding."   
  
"WHAT?" all three girls demanded.   
  
"I mean, you even asked a comatose Faith to come and your own mother isn't attending?" Willow said, shocked.   
  
"Nope. She called and told me this morning. And I've got my cell phone off but the Caller ID on it tells me she's called seven times."   
  
"Why?" Anya asked, opening a bag of M & Ms and not offering to share.   
  
"Who knows." Buffy came out in a sleeveless off-the-shoulder gown with an old fashioned cameo in the center of the bodice and a lace skirt. "I dunno, I kind of like this one."   
  
"It's beautiful, Buffy." Willow said.   
  
"I might get it," she spun around in front of the mirror. "'Cause I like it better than any of the others I've tried."   
  
"Put the one with the roses on." Cordy suggested.   
  
Buffy went back into the room and came out a moment later in another strapless gown. The front of it was all silk and the full skirt gathered in the back with a bunch of simple purple roses.   
  
"It suits you," Anya said.   
  
Buffy stared at her for a moment in surprise and then looked to the others. "What do you think?"   
  
"I like it," Cordy said.   
  
"I like the last one," Willow admitted.   
  
"There's one more," Buffy said. "I don't know how I'll ever decide."   
  
The eleventh turned out to be the charm. Also an off-the-shoulder dress, it was shinier than the other dresses, a brighter white. Tiny Austrian crystals were spread over the bodice of the gown and lightly sprinkled across the big tulle skirt. It was quite full, but not so much that she couldn't really move around in it.   
  
"I love it!" she said enthusiastically.   
  
"It's the perfect dress for you, Buffy." Willow said. "It's all right," Anya allowed.   
  
"It goes nicely with the dress I want to wear." Cordelia said. Buffy rolled her eyes and ignored her.   
  
"I'm getting it." she spun around a few more times before going back to change out of it and Willow sighed. "I guess we should try our dresses on now, make sure they fit."   
  
By the time Buffy was back in her own dress, the girls had changed into their blue silk gowns. Buffy told each of them how pretty they looked and ignored Cordelia's pleas to wear purple instead of blue.   
  
They paid for their dresses and went to TGI Friday's for dinner. On the way out, Buffy saw a shooting star dance across the sky. She took it as a good-luck charm that everything with her wedding would be fine.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"It's pouring!" Buffy complained. She plopped down on Cordelia's bed and started to cry. "We'll never be able to use the pier if it's all wet! Our dresses will get dirty and--"   
  
"Buffy, stop." Cordelia said. "Everything will be fine."   
  
"How do you know?" Buffy demanded.   
  
"Because I said so." she said this as though it made perfect sense. "And also, because I know Willow and Anya aren't really out replacing a pair of nylons."   
  
Buffy sat up. "What are they doing?"   
  
"I dunno." Cordy shrugged.   
  
"Cordelia."   
  
"Buffy."   
  
Smirking, the bride picked up a pillow and walloped Cordelia with it. The brunette grabbed another and they had an all out war. The doorbell rang and Cordy ran off to answer it.   
  
"Antoine, you're here! Great! This is Buffy." she led the hairdresser into the bedroom and when he saw Buffy, he made a face. Her hair was a total mess from the pillow fight.   
  
"Oh. Well, we certainly have our work cut out for us, don't we?"   
  
Buffy smoothed her hair down and then smiled at him. "I'm ready whenever you are."   
  
He pulled a chair over and pointed to it. "Sit. You read, I'll work."   
  
Buffy shrugged, grabbed her copy of Memoirs of a Geisha out of her bag and let him get to work.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Dum, dum, da-dum," Xander hummed as he watched Buffy walk down the aisle. "Dum, dum, da-dum."   
  
"Stop it." Spike chided.   
  
"Like they can hear me."   
  
"Stop it." they say Giles mouth. It made both guys crack up.   
  
"You guys are sooo immature," Cordelia commented.   
  
Giles gave Buffy a kiss on the cheek and handed her over to Angel. "Take good care of her," he whispered.   
  
Angel nodded and took Buffy's hands in his, their eyes never parting during the entire ceremony. Buffy had asked that Cordy play a couple of songs for Angel, and the last one was one he hadn't heard, although as soon as it started and he listened to the lyrics, he understood the logic behind it.   
  
  
//When I think   
  
How life used to be  
  
Always walking in the shadows  
  
Then I look   
  
At what you've given me  
  
I feel like dancing on my tiptoes   
  
I must say   
  
Everyday I wake  
  
And realize you're at my side   
  
I know I'm truly  
  
Blessed  
  
For everything you give me  
  
Blessed   
  
For all the tenderness you show  
Do my best  
  
With every breath that's in me  
  
Blessed  
  
To make sure you never go   
  
There are times  
  
That test your faith  
  
'Till you feel you might surrender  
  
And baby I'm  
  
I'm not ashamed to say  
  
That my hopes were growing slender   
  
You walked by   
  
In the nick of time   
  
Looking like an answered prayer   
  
I know I'm truly   
  
Blessed  
  
For everything you give me  
  
Blessed  
  
For all the tenderness you show  
Do my best  
  
With every breath that's in me  
  
Blessed  
  
To make sure you never go   
  
  
I'm blessed  
  
With love and understanding  
  
Blessed  
  
When I hear you call my name  
  
I'll do my best  
  
With faith that's never-ending  
  
Blessed  
  
To make sure you feel the same   
  
  
Deep inside of me"  
  
You fill me with your gentle touch  
  
I know I'm truly   
  
Blessed  
  
For everything you give me  
  
Blessed  
  
For all the tenderness you show  
  
Do my best  
  
With every breath that's in me  
  
Blessed  
  
To make sure you never go\\   
  
  
It was quick for a wedding, simple too, but Buffy had never wanted a huge affair with tons of relatives she didn't even know. After partying on the beach for hours, she and Angel took a limo to the airport and headed to Hawaii so, as Cordy had said, they could waste a perfectly good beach by making love in their hotel room all week.  



	10. That's All That Matters Now No Matter Wh...

TITLE: No Matter What 10/10  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Time for the honeymoon! Finally!!!  
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
RATING: **NC-17** - Go me, go me!  
DISCLAIMER: Characters you know belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. Characters you do *not* know are mine. And no, I'm not giving you any names. You've gotta read the fic. =) I borrowed one line in this chapter specifically from IWRY, because it fits. g The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone.   
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best. Extra special thanks go to Sandee for helping me beta this part and just for being who she is. Love ya. =)  
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.  
03/21/00   
  
  
//I can't deny what I believe   
  
I can't be what I'm not  
  
I know this love's forever  
  
That's all that matters now  
  
No matter what\\   
  
  
"Angel, look." Buffy said as they entered their hotel room. "It's beautiful."   
  
"I closed the windows like you asked," the bellboy said proudly.   
  
"Thank you," Angel gave him a generous tip. "Mahallo."   
  
"Mahallo," he said back, bowed, and left.   
  
"Come'ere!" Buffy threw her arms around Angel and kissed him passionately, running her hands though his hair, down his back to his tight ass. She squeezed it and then pulled away, looking at him breathlessly. "Is the door locked?"   
"Uh-huh."   
  
"Double check. Deadbolt it and put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door."   
  
"Anxious?" he asked, laughing a little.   
  
"I'm hornier than Hell," she muttered. "I'll be right back." She ran into the bathroom and when she came out, Angel was waiting for her, still dressed in his shirt and pants.   
  
She loved the way his mouth formed a little O whenever he saw her in sexy clothing. She smiled. Guess I picked out the right outfit, she thought.   
  
It had taken two hours in Victoria's Secret to pick out the perfect nightgown, made of a lightweight lace fabric that clung to her breasts and fell just barely to her thighs. She wore a matching robe over it that was completely sheer and white high heels with fake fur on the toes.   
  
"Hi," she said, walking over to him.   
  
"I was, uh, just, uh, thinking...."   
  
She took the cable guide out of his hand and tossed it away. "We can watch a porn movie anyday. Well, actually we can't, but you know."   
  
He smiled at her. "You look beautiful."   
  
"You should've worn the leather pants," she commented, smirking. "Still, we'll make do."   
  
"Make do?" he asked, staring at her.   
  
"Yeah," she pushed him down on the bed and then climbed on top of him. "We've only got three days here, Angel. Let's not waste it."   
  
She kissed him harshly, pressing her body against his and wanting to feel his skin against hers so bad she could've ripped his clothes off.   
  
He rolled them over so that he was on top and smiled at her, making Buffy groan. She *knew* he was gonna make her wait and that just infuriated her.   
  
It also succeeded in turning her on though, so maybe he had the right idea.   
  
As they kissed, Buffy unbuttoned his shirt and tried to yank it off of him. They sat up so she could pull it off and while he had her in the right place, he slid her robe off, kissing down her neck to her shoulder as he did it.   
  
She pushed the silk aside and lifted her arms up to help Angel remove the lacy chemise from her body. She shook her hair loose over her shoulders and then smiled at him seductively.   
  
He dove at her, kissing her madly and running his hands all over her smooth body. Buffy responded by wrapping her legs loosely around his and running her hands up and down his back.   
  
Angel's lips lavished Buffy's skin, sucking ever so slightly on her neck. She wanted desperately for him to drink from her again, to feel the way she had the night before graduation, as though her life was becoming his and vice versa, but she didn't dare ask. There were some things she couldn't tell anyone, not even Angel, and that was one of them.   
  
She shivered when he ran his tongue over the ridges of her scar, wishing he would bite her just a tiny bit. She brought his beautiful face back up to hers, looking deep into his dark eyes for a minute before kissing him tenderly, watching the way his eyes fluttered as they kissed. She pulled away almost laughing. He looked at her blankly. "What?"   
  
"You. You're so cute," she commented.   
  
"How?" he questioned.   
  
"It's just....when you're kissing me, the way your eyes move, they do this sort of fluttering thing. It's adorable."   
  
"Now let me watch you."   
  
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, but as soon as their lips met, she opened them.   
  
"Sorry," she smiled. "Natural reaction."   
  
He kissed her deeply, catching her off guard, and she arched her hips, rubbing her heated body against his. Angel groaned and broke the kiss, sliding his lips down her body, brushing them against her fevered skin. He paused slightly to swirl his tongue over her skin, tasting her navel.   
  
Buffy tried to remember to breathe as Angel's cold tongue inched closer and closer to her hot spot. Her body was on fire with need. He was going achingly slow, causing her body to tremble with anticipation. She moaned at the very first touch of his velvet tongue to her clit, and when he slid it between her moist folds, she almost died.   
  
"Oooooooh, Angel," she stretched her hands down to guide his head, to push his tongue deeper.   
  
Buffy was sure she was going to die when Angel began sucking her swollen clitoris between his lips. She squeezed her thighs together tightly, holding his head there, and tangled her hands in the bed sheets for leverage as she climaxed.   
  
Angel came back up beside her and kissed her, feeling her heartbeat return to normal and her breathing slow.   
  
"I love you," she said as she touched his cheeks, his lips, his eyelids.   
  
"I love you too."   
  
"Make love to me," she whispered. He kissed her passionately, letting his desire speak for him. Angel's fiery gaze locked with Buffy's as he entwined his fingers, body and soul with hers. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and sighed contentedly as he slid his cool cock inside of her, not only filling her completely, but completing her fully.   
  
She kissed him, savoring the moment, holding their bodies still for as long as she could, loving the feel of him inside her, making both of them complete.   
  
"Buffy," he grunted and she let up a little, giggling. He began moving with slow, steady thrusts, kissing Buffy's lips and neck the whole time.   
  
She drug her hands up and down Angel's strong back, raking her nails over his satin skin. She tightened her knees on his hips and pushed her body upwards to meet his.   
  
Angel took one of Buffy's nipples into his mouth and began sucking on it, rolling it around his mouth and against his tongue. Buffy moaned happily, feeling herself growing closer and closer to the point of orgasm.   
  
Angel felt his body responding and tensing, sliding one of his hands between their slick bodies to her swelled clitoris. He began rolling it around with his thumb and forefinger. He released her breast from his mouth to kiss her as they both climbed higher and higher until they crashed together with such intensity, their whole bodies convulsed in ecstasy.   
  
Panting, Buffy held Angel close and kissed his shoulder, resting her chin there for a minute, not wanting him to leave her.   
  
When he finally rolled off of her, she moaned but slid her relaxed body over his and laid with her chin on his chest, looking into his eyes. They smiled at each other and he pulled the bedspread over them as she laid her head over his undead heart. They fell asleep together, pleasantly numb.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
***Nine months later***   
  
  
"Come on, Ashley," Willow lifted her out of her carseat and closed the door to Buffy's minivan. "We've got to get inside and see your mommy."   
  
"Why?" she asked, holding her Freckles Beanie Baby and making it dance around in the air.   
  
"Well, because your mom and dad wanna see you and they want you to meet your new baby brother."   
  
"Why?" she asked again.   
  
Xander, who was carrying the baby bag and a suitcase of Buffy's things that Angel had asked him to bring sighed. "Isn't she too talkative for someone her age?"   
  
"Yes," Willow laughed. "Blame it on her highly advanced genetic makeup."   
  
Xander just shrugged and followed her up to the maternity ward.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Hi, baby!" Buffy reached for Ashley as soon as Willow brought her in the room. "Come'ere, there's someone I want you to meet."   
  
"No!" Ashley buried her face in Buffy's chest as soon as Willow handed her over and wouldn't look up at anyone.   
  
"Ashley," Angel said softly. "Don't you wanna meet your little brother?"   
  
"No!" she shouted loudly in Buffy's ear.   
  
Angel looked at Buffy. "What's the problem?" he asked.   
  
"Jealousy," Buffy smirked. "She'll come around."   
  
"He's beautiful, Buffy," Willow touched the cheek of the sleeping baby in Angel's arms. "What did you name him?"   
  
"I still think Alexander is a good choice," Xander teased.   
  
"Maybe next time," Angel said. "We wanted to name him after Giles, 'cause he's been so great about everything."   
  
"You named him Giles O'Connelly?" Xander asked.   
  
Buffy laughed. "We named him Rupert Christopher and we're going to call him Chris."   
  
"I like it, I like it." Xander said. "But the next one--"   
  
"What, do you guys think I'm just gonna have a million babies?" Buffy asked.   
  
"The way you two get it on?" Xander asked.   
  
"Willow, say something!" Buffy said.   
  
"He has a point," Willow allowed, but she was blushing.   
  
"I think that, for now, two children is perfect." Angel said.   
  
"Well, we just wanted to bring Ashley over. I'll pick her up later tonight, okay, Buffy?"    
  
"Sure. Bye guys, and thanks."   
  
"Congratulations," Xander said as they left.   
  
"Well," Angel set Chris in his tiny bed and sat down beside Buffy. "I think we'll work everything out. Even the sibling war we have brewing here."   
  
Buffy nodded. "I think after everything we've faced we can get through just about anything."   
  
"I would have to agree." Angel leaned over and gave her a kiss. Pulling away, he asked, "So how long did the doctor say we'd have to wait again?"   
  
"Angel!"   
  
He held his hands up innocently. "I'm just asking."   



End file.
